


cut my lip

by confinesofpersonalknowledge



Series: Presents for Frens [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved, touch-starved virgil sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-01 21:37:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17251829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confinesofpersonalknowledge/pseuds/confinesofpersonalknowledge
Summary: Virgil is touch-starved. It's like a dam, his endurance. It builds until he can't handle it, and the truth comes spilling out.





	cut my lip

i keep on going back  
even though it's me i abuse  
i'll keep on going back

They find out without meaning to, honestly. When Virgil becomes more openly accepted, loved, welcomed, it is done without prejudice or any sort of holding back. Patton hugs Virgil more - each greeted with a wince and a joke. Logan puts comforting arms around Virgil’s shoulders, supportive and well-meaning, though each touch draws a tingling accompanied by a wide-eyed look of astonishment. As if he cannot bring himself to believe that someone would want to touch him, let alone accompany him. Roman’s touches are far more brief, sweeping gestures of grandeur accompanied by light touches on the arm to ensure that attention is awarded where it is so greatly wanted. 

Virgil can’t help his flinch each time, drawing his shoulders closer to avoid the touch. He waves it off with a casual grin or a smirk, sniffling lightly as he pulls the hoodie closer to himself, clinging to the warmth and familiar weight it provides. And so, it takes them a while to realize what is happening - for them to understand that Virgil is unused to such familial shows of affection and adoration. For them to realize that while Anxiety definitely had hung out a lot in the mindscape, he’d never been meant to feel welcome as he did so. For them to realize that Virgil didn’t know the comfort of a soft hug, the warmth of a fond grin, or the happiness that physical comfort gave. 

Virgil was used to it, honestly. Long showers helped, and so did blankets. His new jacket was weighted, so were each of the blankets he piled onto himself. They imitated what he thought physical contact felt like, and for years, he was fine. It was fine.

And then, one day, they stopped working. Because the others’ touches became too much, too different from his coping methods. Virgil found himself unravelling as his strategies fell apart, craving the touches as each day passed. It became unbearable - Virgil’s internal guilt at stealing each of the touches fighting against his desperate need for them. It built like a flowing river beating against a newly made dam, meant to shatter under the unbeatable force of water. 

The dam breaks slowly at first, a trickle of water that slips through cracks. It goes unnoticed, tears hidden in pillows and carefully maintained eyeliner.

And then one day, Patton pulls Virgil to cuddle with them on the couch, a Disney movie playing on the big screen in front of them. And it’s more than Virgil can handle, anymore. Tears build uncontrollably, falling down pale cheeks and drawing the attention of his family quietly.  
Their conversation isn’t fun, nor is it easy. It’s full of tears and exhaustion, explanations that come from two sides. Comfort doesn’t necessarily mean touch, and Patton is well-versed in how to ensure Virgil is comfortable. He reassures the anxious boy, provides the support Virgil so desperately craves. And when Virgil gives the sign, he hugs the smaller side.

They set boundaries after a long talk. It’s Logan who recognizes the touch-starvation for what it is. He researches deeply into it, figures out how to help, recognizes the symptoms for what they are. He makes sure the others are well aware of Virgil’s comfort zones, makes sure the other feels safe.

Roman… he’s Roman. He reassures Virgil in his own way, tells him that he’ll vanquish each and everyone of terrible feelings. It makes Virgil laugh, and it’s all Roman needs to go on a long spiel on how he’ll make sure Virgil is safe.

It’s enough. For Virgil, it’s all he’s ever wanted. It’s how he knows he’s truly accepted within their family. 

i'll keep on trying  
might as well  
if you decide  
all is well (all is well)  
though i am bruised  
face of contusions  
know i’ll keep moving

**Author's Note:**

> Literally, please comment. It's my lifeblood.


End file.
